To Lie or Not to Lie....That is the Question!

Life has been going really well. We were hoping that January 27 would have been the day that the state's attorney would have petitioned for termination of rights. That day has come and gone. In the meantime, we have just been loving every second of being a family. Everyone has been adjusting really well to the idea of being adopted.

One frustration that we have been dealing with is lying. I am posting this in hopes of getting some ideas for dealing with a 5 year old that lies constantly. Pretty much if the child is speaking, he is lying!! It is crazy. He will say ANYTHING, even if he knows you saw him do something else. He will tell you the grass is purple and be TOTALLY convinced of it!

Some things we have tried:

1. We started an "I TOLD THE TRUTH" jar. Everytime the kids tell the truth when it would be easier to lie, they get a pom-pom in the jar. Once the jar is full, we will do something fun (i.e. go out for ice cream, go to a movie, etc.)

2. We have talked a lot about God watching everything we do. He remembers all the good things we do and all the bad things we do. When we pray to God we need to ask him to forgive us for the "bad" things we did...called sins. We also talked about that we have to REALLY be sorry. We can't say it if we don't mean it.

3. TRUTH OR LIE: We started playing a game called Truth or Lie. I will say a sentence "The sky is green" and the kids have to say truth or lie. They are really good at the game. They get almost all of them right, which tells me that they do know when they are lying.

4. MODELING: We are modeling truth telling. When we tell the truth, we talk about it. I told the kids about hitting the garage door with the van. I explained that it would be easier to lie about it, but how much better I felt when I had told the truth.

We really want to focus on the positive...the telling the truth. With that being said, we can't let lies go undisciplined. Any ideas you have would be really helpful. You could send ideas to my facebook or my email: jlcorbly82@yahoo.com. Or you could leave comment here. Anything that has worked for you!

Dear Lord, thank you for giving me this opportunity to teach the children about the honesty that you have shown us. Thank you for always honoring what you have promised.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year

It has been a crazy busy, wonderful couple of weeks. Poor Ashton had to have his tonsils and adnoids removed last Thursday, and we have been trying to get him well since. He is doing great, but just trying to take it easy.

Taking it easy is not easy during the busiest time of the year. Our first Christmas together has been an absolute joy!! The kids got way too much stuff, and have been loving every moment of it! Both of our families have totally taken these kiddos in as their own. It has been truly wonderful. I feel so blessed to have them here.

They have also been opening up so much over the last few weeks. Today we were told again that we are the "best mom and dad." I did have to break down the other day and tell them about their birthmom's situation. Without going into details with them, it wasn't a pleasant conversation. They needed to hear it, though, so they could move on. Since then, they have only been more loving and open with us.

The boys have been telling us some of the things that they have gone through in the past, and every day, I am just SO thankful that they are with us. They are safe, healthy, and happy!! I couldn't ask for more :)

Lord, thank you for blessing me beyond my imagination. Thank you for blessing these children beyond theirs!

Our God is So Perfect

Life is such an amazing roller coaster that sometimes I am amazed we even survive it! The boys' sister, Lacy, moved in last Friday. Since then we have had a phone visit with the kiddos birthmom. It went well, but she got the boys so riled up it was difficult to reign them back in. On Wednesday, the boys went to their counseling session and then had a face-to-face visit with their mom. It was hard for me to let them go, but I just gave it to God. I know that he already knows how things are going to end, and I just have to trust in him.

Things went okay with the visit. The kiddos came home with a bunch of pictures from their past which were really interesting to look at. They had a ton of junk food and junk toys too. So even though I wasn't thrilled, I was able to accept that they were safe and I was just glad they were back home.

On Friday we got a phone call from our case worker that there was an update in the case. Mom has relapsed and will definetely go back to jail, possibly prison. Wow. How things changed in just 2 days! Selfishly, I am glad she decided to do it now, because it pretty much set her fate in concrete for our upcoming court hearing. On the flip side, my heart wrenches for her, because I want her to clean her life up. I did some online research (amazing what you can find out!) and learned a lot more about exactly why these kids can't be with their parents. It is just so sad. Drugs (hard stuff), theft, domestic abuse...and yet they are 3 of the happiest children I have ever met!

I thank God everyday that he knows what is best. Things are seeming to fall into place. We have signed intention to adopt papers and it is really looking like that may be our future with these three little ones. I just pray that when that time comes, the kids are okay with it. They do not see the terrible things that their parents were doing. They only remember the good stuff (of course!)

Lord, I fully trust you and I know you will make everything fall into place when the time comes! We pray that these children will see us as their parents and they will feel the love we have for them.

Life Can Change On A Dime

Oh my! Life can change so abruptly that you wonder which way is up sometimes. 2 days ago I thought I had about 6 weeks to prepare for our new beautiful daughter. We were starting to talk about what we wanted to do in her room. I was making plans for daycare, and things were seeming to fall into place. On Monday, we had a visit with our caseworker and we found out that there were some complications with the timeline of the move. I can't go into all of the details on here, but basically he thought there MIGHT be a chance we would move her a little sooner than planned.

On Tuesday (yesterday), we get called from our caseworker that he wants to move our little girl THIS FRIDAY! While we are oober excited, we now have 2 days to prepare for her arrival (which by the way is more time, still, than we had to plan for the boys' arrival.) So I contacted the daycare, and they are able to get her in starting next week (phew!) We got the boys bunked together tonight, and I started putting all the clothes that my awesome sister-in-law gave us for her. Things are pretty much ready, but the room may not be quite as inviting as I wanted it to be for her arrival. The boys are SOO excited to have their sister in the same house as them.

Just when life seems to be settling down, a curve ball always seems to be thrown! I love it and wouldn't change a second of it.

On a side note, they boys spoke to their birth mom on Monday night also. I was trying to be open-minded to this, but deep in side I was still resistant to it. I told myself that if God didn't want to allow this phone call to happen, he would put a road block in the way. After the phone call, all I felt was sadness. My sadness was for their mom more than anything. The boys had to repeat themselves several times throughout the conversation, and it was just heartbreaking. Even though I don't think she could ever parent these 3 children, it is still sad to witness exactly what her limitations are.

Father, thank you so much for knowing what is best for us. Even though I resist, help me to obey your commands. Help me to honor you and do your will, and not what I think is best for me. You are my father, and you know what's best. Thank you for knowing the outcome even when I don't. Thank you for bearing the burden.

Are Premonitions Reliable?

So many things have happened in the past couple of weeks with my extended family, my immediate family, and my personal career. We have started transitioning the boys' sister by doing visits and they have been going great. She seems to really know what our expectations are and she is starting to really fit in with our family.

About 3 and a half years ago, when we found out we were INFERTILE, we were devastated. My now father-in-law (we'll call him Craig), told us not to worry. He said that sometimes he gets vivid visions (he called them premonitions I believe). He told us that he saw a BLONDE little girl in our future. At the time we took little comfort in his words. When we got a placement about 6 months after that statement and it was 3 African American children we chuckled about his comment. When it looked like they were our forever family, we thought Craig made a mistake.

Then everything changed and pretty soon we had two Caucasian boys living with us and we found out they have a sister. Then we meet their sister and she is blonde. COINCIDENCE? Maybe. So now we know that pretty soon she is going to come to live with us and there is a decent chance that we will adopt her and her two brothers. So today we went to our nephew's first birthday party. We had a good time hanging out with family and then we left.

A couple of hours later I got a text message from Craig. He asked if I remembered his premonition and I told him that I did. He said that today when she was sitting on the floor it was the exact same pose that he had seen in his VISION. (OK now that is weird). He also said that in his vision he couldn't see her face because he was somewhat behind her, and that is how they were sitting today! I told him that he was giving me goosebumps. Then he said that she doesn't know it yet, but he and her are going to have a special bond one day. He can feel it! Wow! Maybe this is it...maybe this is our FOREVER family...maybe Craig was right all along...maybe we just needed to wait for God's perfect timing. We shall see!

Lord, thank you for knowing what is best for us when we have no idea what your perfect plan is! Thank you for telling us no when we are fighting so hard to hear a yes. Thank you for reminding me that you are in CONTROL of my life!

This Crazy Roller Coaster We Call Life!

For the first time in my life, I feel like I have completely given EVERYTHING over to God. It is not easy. In fact, it is one of the hardest things in life to do. But when you do it the rewards are amazing!

Last Tuesday I got a phone call at work to do an interview at one of the brand new schools in our district. I was surprised, because it was for a position that I DIDN'T even apply for. It was one of these situations where my name was in the job bank, and they pulled it out. I was surprised and excited.

So I got to talking to one of my friends at work, and she had recently spoken to this principal about me. The conversation wasn't SPECIFICALLY about me, but my name came up. A few weeks later, I have an interview with her.

I was really excited about the position, but I told God it was in HIS hands. I wasn't worried or nervous about it. I just laid it all over to him. I was still hopeful, and I still wanted the job, but I left it up to him.

The interview went beautifully. I was confident in my answers and felt really good when I left.

Then it was the weekend, and we were gone. I barely even thought about the job.

Monday morning, as I'm walking in (later than usual) to school, I wondered to myself when I would hear about the job. I go into the office and I had a message. The principal was calling to let me know I had gotten the job!! I was ECSTATIC!!

So I am frantically running around trying to get everything in order for the job switch. I am letting the appropriate people know, and telling my family and friends. Things are going great. I am gathering as much information and as many resources as possible. Today I went over to the unit office to fill out some paperwork. When I got back to school I got a phone call from Brian.

He had heard from our caseworker. We are getting the sister permanently. It is not going to happen for a couple of months. We are going to do several more sibling visits so that she can get more used to us, but it is REALLY FINALLY happening! Everything is falling into place. When you truly trust God, he blesses you beyond your wildest imagination. Prayers have been answered in my life. Things I have been praying about for years. It was all for God's perfect timing.

I was beginning to think that I would never have a real teaching job. I was beginning to think that I would never have a real family. I thought I might never have a daughter. Could this be my family? Are these the children God meant for us all along? I will love and appreciate these children in a way that is different (not better or worse) than most can understand. When you desires something so badly for so long, it feels too good to be true when it all starts falling in place. How AWESOME is my God?!?

Lord, thank you for all the blessings that you have poured onto my family in the past few days. I am so undeserving, yet you provide nonetheless! You are AMAZING. Help me to continue trusting you for everything and giving it all to you!

The Weekend is Over

It is always bittersweet on Sunday evenings. I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with the family and with my church family as well, but sad that it's back to the grind of the work week. I am particularly sad this evening as we just returned the boys' sister to their aunt. I am feeling so much better after meeting their aunt and seeing her love for all three children. I am still, however, sad that they can't be with her full time. As soon as we left, the oldest said, "I wish my sister was still here." How sweet. They had their moments where there was bickering and pestering, but overall it was a love filled weekend. I can't count how many times I heard "I love you" come out of someone's mouth!

I don't know God's plan for these children, and I am not about to question what he has in mind. I am only going to continue to be prayerful for these three angels. I recently was talking to a group of women at my church and was asked to tell a little about our situation. It was extremely uncomfortable for me, because I don't like to draw attention to myself. But I remember saying that when you trust God, you trust him. It doesn't mean you trust him sometimes and other times you question him. I am human. There are times when I ask God "why." But I still believe that he knows what is best for all of us. I have also learned that just because bad things are happening does not mean I am being punished.

When the other three kids were returned home I thought for sure it was the wrong decision and couldn't believe it. Now I see that maybe that was the permanent family for us. Maybe this is and maybe it isn't. Only time will tell. That's the beauty of trusting God. I don't have to worry, because HE already knows the outcome!

Lord, help me to keep you in the forefront of my thoughts. Help me remember that your timing is always perfect. Thank you for loving me and blessing my family in so many ways!!

Is Reliability a Lost Art?

I am so frustrated by unrealiableness (if that is really a word). People make commitments and then do not keep them. I am fully aware that things come up. It happens. It has happened to me on more than one occasion. When you let down adults, they have coping strategies and can figure out a way to deal with it. When you let down kids, it's not the same. It tears a tiny piece of them away. They may not show it on the surface. It's like taking a big rock and chipping a tiny piece of it away. No big deal if it happens a time or two. After many chippings, however, the rock begins to change shape. It is no longer the same rock. The same is true for children. Each time an adult who is supposed to be a huge part of their life lets them down, it changes them. Healthy, well-rounded kids, recover easily. Broken, torn apart children do not. They learn soon that they can rely on no one. Trust is not easily given any longer. Their self esteem begins to gradually disappear.

I am not going to get on a high horse and pretend that I have never let down a child. It happens. I understand. I am not talking about disappointments that are part of life, like not getting a toy they wanted or getting to see the movie they wanted to see. I am talking about saying you will be there for them and then NOT. Telling them you'll see them every other Wednesday and then having conflicts. These are the kiddos that we need to make SURE we follow through for!

Children, who in their life have one adult in the past year + that has been consistent need to be able to rely on that person. She needs to be there for them. Especially when she is their therapist who is trying to work out all their issues. One of their major issues is that NO ONE has been there for them. They went from mom, to an aunt (who decided she didn't want them), to a foster home away from their sister (because a different aunt didn't want them), to another foster home. Finally they are somewhere that no one will give up on them, but they don't know that!! How can they be sure? How can they trust? How can they let go and truly love and be loved?

Lord, be the one thing these children can rely on. All others are human (0urselves included) and will fail them in this life! You never fail us. No matter how undeserving we are, you never ever fail. You are the only thing that can truly fill any of our voids. Fill their void, Lord.

My Heart Breaks For These Boys

Everyday, I am amazed by how these two boys can have such a positive outlook on life. They are so happy and easy going. It's crazy after all they've been through. But every once in a while, a tiny tidbid of their past life comes out.

Tonight
We are sitting in the car waiting for Brian to get some pizzas at Papa Murphy's. In that ten minute time frame we discussed everything from Hannah Montana, Justin Bieber(?), Barack O'bama, and Michael Jackson. Somewhere in that mix, they tell me that their mom has 1099 DVDs at her house. I say, "Oh, where does your mom live?" Really I am just being nosy as to what they truly know about their mom. Their response is that she is living in the hospital and she is really really sick. She didn't want them to get sick so that's why they can't be with her. I suppose it is some version of the truth, and so I left it at that. I did not provide any information about their mom.

In the car on the way home
One of the boys tells us "a really funny story" (according to him). He tells us that they were sleeping one night, all in the same bed. They were awoken to the sound of their dad getting arrested. He then tells us that their dad went to jail, because he was hitting their mom. "They were having a hitting race." He was laughing as he was telling us this story. Now, surely, the laughter is a defense mechanism. I pray that they really don't think it is funny for men to hit women or vice versa.

Our response
I am so sorry you boys had to see that. I promise you that in our home you will never see us hit each other. It is not nice for people to hit. Especially people who love each other. You don't have to worry about that here.

What else could we say?

Lord I pray that we say the right things when the kiddos open up to us. Give us your words so that they might find YOU!

Is There Anyone Out There Who Cares?

The boys were supposed to go to visit their sister this weekend, and at the last minute it fell through. Now, I am sure that the aunt's reasons were valid, however I have been burnt many times by people's excuses! She had an emergency and Iam not going to judge her based on this one situation. It's not my place to judge anyway.

With all that being said, I found out more disturbing information. As I was talking to the boys about our upcoming trip to St. Louis, they became very excited. They realized that St. Lou is where Six Flags is. So I ask them, "Have you ever been to Six Flags?" They replied that they had not, however once when they were staying at their aunt's house the whole family got to go. They hired a baby-sitter to come stay with the boys. Why on earth would you go to Six Flags if you weren't going to take everyone? I am so frustrated by what seems like the lack of care for these boys! We adore them, and can't imagine not wanting to spend our time with them.

So I find myself wondering if anyone really cares for these boys? Who in their life is willing to make sacrifices for them? They have done nothing to deserve this! They did not choose their situation. They want to please and are so desperate for love and attention! I pray that we can be their somebody. We will give them all the love we have to give and then some! How can we not? God has placed them in our lives and we don't half-do things. We are all in!

Thank you Jesus for sending these children to our home. Let your love be known to these boys.

You Just Never Know

The children had their counseling session this evening and we were anticipating the possibility of a visit with their birthmom. We hadn't heard anything definete, but it was supposed to be happening since she had moved from jail to rehab. I dropped the kiddos off and ran some errands. When I got back to the agency, their counselor told me that they just found out that mom walked out of rehab. Just like that, she decided she didn't want to do it.



So now, there is a warrant out for her arrest. If they can catch her she will go straight back to jail. If she takes off, she will be on the loose until they catch up with her. Either way, the children will not be subjected to visiting with her. We are so thankful that they didn't see her tonight, just to not see her again for a while. I think that would be so much worse. To see her, and then not see her for months again.



I don't know what God has planned for these children, but I have put my total faith in Him. We didn't understand when the other kids had to return home, but now we see that He had other plans for us. I don't know if these are permanent plans or if they will move on too. All I know is that I am here to serve my Lord. I will do as I am told. Praise God!

Faith in the Court System

Tomorrow we have a court hearing. It is the six month check up basically. It always makes me nervous to go to court because everything falls into the hands of the judge. I just always pray that the Lord is working through our judge. This time, we are pretty sure that we are just going to get a continuation. We've heard that the kids' mother's attorney is not going to be present. It is unlikely that anything will happen without her judge present. My heart wrenches for these children who've been put through termoil for 2.5 years and the system just keeps putting off a decision. I pray that something is decided soon for their permanency. Whether it be for them to go back home or to stay with us, I just pray that God gives me the compassion and courage to deal with it.

Life is Good

My kids are so sweet. This morning I woke up hearing "Happy Birthday to Mommy, Happy Birthday to Mommy, Happy Birthday Dear Mommy, Happy Birthday to You!" How sweet. As often as I get frustrated because the kids don't listen, or they make a big mess, or they completely disregard everything I feel like I have taught them, they are really sweet. Every once in a while we have a moment where I really think that I might be getting through to them. God's grace is so good to have blessed me, the most undeserving person, with this family no matter how temporary it is :)

The biggest step of faith

Wow!

I have tried doing the blog thing a couple of different times and have never really stuck with it. Lately I have read a couple of blogs from some of the strongest women I know, and they truly inspired me to try it. My story is no worse or more inspirational than anyone else's. I do not have trouble opening up about the things that we have been through, but sometimes I feel like people don't really care. So, this way it's up to you if you want to read or not!!



About 3 years ago we found out that we are infertile. The question repeatedly comes out "whose fault is it?" It doesn't matter. We are a team and this is God's will. Knowing that God had other plans for us, we immediately started talking about which avenue we wanted to journey.

Foster care has always been something I felt led to do. We went into it with the intentions of adopting only. God led us a different way. For the past 2 1/2 years we have been fostering 3 siblings. Their goal is still to return home to their birthmother. It has been a roller coaster of emotions. We still don't know where their permanent home is. The stress this causes us is nothing compared to the stress it puts on these three children.

We can question it all we want, but ultimately God knows what he is doing. These are not OUR children they belong to HIM! (As easy as it is to type that...it is much harder to actually practice it). We have seen them shed tears time and time again not knowing what is expected of them, because it changes based on where they have been that day. We continually pray that our words are Godly words and that HIS light may shine through us.