Living in the Light and Leaving Darkness Behind

I have been thinking a lot about hate in the past couple of days. Our pastor preached an amazing sermon on Sunday about the topic and I can't get it off of my mind. I've never thought that I was a hater. I don't even like the word. After listening to him preach, however, I found out that I am, in fact, a hater. He said that hate is not simply what we would normally think of (murder, wishing ill will, etc.). Resentment and jealously fall into the same category as hate.

This is where I find myself. Too often, I fall into the "why" trap....Why can she have babies left and right and I can't? Why won't she take care of her kids? If that was my child, I would...I realize now, that I am no better than all the "shes" I am referring to. I question my God, my Savior, my Creator. Who am I to judge these moms. I don't know what they have been through. I don't know what it is like to have an addiction that I just can't shake. I don't know what it is like to have been through a tragedy like Katrina.

Yet, here I sit thinking that I am better than them. Thinking that I am more deserving of children. You have no idea how disgusted I feel with myself. The tears that I can't stop from flowing after I discovered my realization. No, I don't agree with the choices that people make. Still, I am to love the people, not the choices. To love is to walk in the light of Christ. To hate is to stumble in the darkness. I have been living in the darkness and not even realizing it.

I am recommitting myself to change this thinking. I am no longer judging these mothers of children that are in foster care...at least I am trying really hard not to. I am going to look at them as people that need the help and love that only Jesus Christ can provide. Only He can fulfill the holes that every one of us has in our life. So from here on out, I am no longer judging. I am only going to try to help anyone who needs Christ in their lives. I NEED Christ in my life, and I want His light to shine through me.

Lord, help me walk in the light and stay out of the darkness. Let your light shine through me.