God's Awesome Plan

I do not know Gods amazing plan for our lives, but what I do know is that after this weekend I never thought that there was ANY chance of getting the boys' sister on any kind of semi-permanent basis. We had a home visit this evening and our case worker was talking to us. He kept asking about how the weekend went. He just KEPT revisiting the question. At first I thought maybe something was wrong and that was what he was trying to get at. Then a few minutes later he mentioned that we used to have 2 boys and a girl. By this time my slow mind was catching up. So I said, "Is the separation of these three children a permanent separation?" And that was all I said.

He told me that their aunt had mentioned that she'd like to see all three kids living together. It is a really tough decision for her, because she absolutely adores the little girl....I couldn't believe my ears! My God is amazing. I did not have to do anything, he is softening her heart already. Now, nothing is decided, nothing is final, but she is THINKING! What a wonderful God we serve! I told my caseworker that we absolutely would be willing to house her, and the aunt would NEVER be cut out of these children's lives. He said that she was really wanting to meet us before she decided.

Keep praying that what is best for these three little ones works out sooner rather than later. Selfishly, I want her to be with the boys, but I don't know God's plan. I do know that he is an AWESOME God and I am proud to serve him!

Lord, I just pray your will be done, and that I bring you glory througout this whole entire process!!

The Weekend is Over

It is always bittersweet on Sunday evenings. I am so thankful for the time I got to spend with the family and with my church family as well, but sad that it's back to the grind of the work week. I am particularly sad this evening as we just returned the boys' sister to their aunt. I am feeling so much better after meeting their aunt and seeing her love for all three children. I am still, however, sad that they can't be with her full time. As soon as we left, the oldest said, "I wish my sister was still here." How sweet. They had their moments where there was bickering and pestering, but overall it was a love filled weekend. I can't count how many times I heard "I love you" come out of someone's mouth!

I don't know God's plan for these children, and I am not about to question what he has in mind. I am only going to continue to be prayerful for these three angels. I recently was talking to a group of women at my church and was asked to tell a little about our situation. It was extremely uncomfortable for me, because I don't like to draw attention to myself. But I remember saying that when you trust God, you trust him. It doesn't mean you trust him sometimes and other times you question him. I am human. There are times when I ask God "why." But I still believe that he knows what is best for all of us. I have also learned that just because bad things are happening does not mean I am being punished.

When the other three kids were returned home I thought for sure it was the wrong decision and couldn't believe it. Now I see that maybe that was the permanent family for us. Maybe this is and maybe it isn't. Only time will tell. That's the beauty of trusting God. I don't have to worry, because HE already knows the outcome!

Lord, help me to keep you in the forefront of my thoughts. Help me remember that your timing is always perfect. Thank you for loving me and blessing my family in so many ways!!

The Love of Children

I am so excited to have the boys' sister here for the weekend. She is just as sweet as pie and cute as a button. I was nervous as to how she would be coming home with me, but she just hopped in the van and was happy as a clam. She slept almost the whole way to our house. When the boys got home from school they were sooo excited. They gave her hugs and it was like they had never been apart. They doted all over her and made her feel really special.

We went to the corn maze later that evening and they had so much fun. They played together and they boys definitely made her a part of it. This morning when they woke up, they went right back to playing again. It is so nice that they can just pick up right where they left off.

It breaks my heart that our weekend is going to have to come to an end. Why can't they be together? It is so not fair (I know, I sound like a whiney teenager!) So, I did the only thing I could, the best thing to do in situations that are tough. I gave it to my God!

Lord, if it is your will, soften the hearts of those involved to see that being together is what these three children need. Through you, all things are possible. Nothing I can do or say will change this situation. But YOU can do anything. Only your will, Lord.

Children Who Hurt

I wish I could be there for every child who is hurting and in need of someone to love them. I see it on the faces of children that I work with at school.
...........so desperate for approval
.................in need of a hug
........................crying out for attention

I do what I can to be there for these kids, but what they go home to I have no control over. What I can control is the time I have with them and the time I have with my own children. My boys are so desperate to see there sister. I have been doing everything in my power to make that connection. I truly hope it works out this weekend, but I just don't know. This has always been my frustration with foster care. As good as intentions are, things fall through. Getting these 2 boys to see their sister is NOT a priority for most people. We've tried calling the aunt directly and going through the caseworker...no success. Maybe this time will be different.

Tonight they get to go see "Miss Mary." She is wonderful and the boys really look forward to these visit times. I just pray that this also goes through. The boys have been so deeply hurt and they deal with it through laughter. We find them laughing about things that are totally not laughing matters. It breaks my heart.

Lord help your light shine through me and into these boys. They are thirsty for love and knowledge of your word. Help them know you like I know you. Let them lean on you when their hearts are aching.

Difficulties Begin

So...whenever things seem to be going too good to be true, they probably are! Things had been going really smoothly with the boys for about 2 weeks, and then the honeymoon period was over! One of the boys has gotten uber stubborn about eating!! If it is new, he won't touch it. Even if we go out to eat, and he picks what he is having for dinner he still is really stubborn about trying it. I know this trouble is minor in the skeem of things, but it is still VERY frustrating! Please pray that we have the patience to deal with his screaming temper tantrums (seriously like a 2 year old) and that we find a way to get through to him!!

Lord, be with us as we train these children. Give us the patience and wisdom to do what is best for these boys.

Is Reliability a Lost Art?

I am so frustrated by unrealiableness (if that is really a word). People make commitments and then do not keep them. I am fully aware that things come up. It happens. It has happened to me on more than one occasion. When you let down adults, they have coping strategies and can figure out a way to deal with it. When you let down kids, it's not the same. It tears a tiny piece of them away. They may not show it on the surface. It's like taking a big rock and chipping a tiny piece of it away. No big deal if it happens a time or two. After many chippings, however, the rock begins to change shape. It is no longer the same rock. The same is true for children. Each time an adult who is supposed to be a huge part of their life lets them down, it changes them. Healthy, well-rounded kids, recover easily. Broken, torn apart children do not. They learn soon that they can rely on no one. Trust is not easily given any longer. Their self esteem begins to gradually disappear.

I am not going to get on a high horse and pretend that I have never let down a child. It happens. I understand. I am not talking about disappointments that are part of life, like not getting a toy they wanted or getting to see the movie they wanted to see. I am talking about saying you will be there for them and then NOT. Telling them you'll see them every other Wednesday and then having conflicts. These are the kiddos that we need to make SURE we follow through for!

Children, who in their life have one adult in the past year + that has been consistent need to be able to rely on that person. She needs to be there for them. Especially when she is their therapist who is trying to work out all their issues. One of their major issues is that NO ONE has been there for them. They went from mom, to an aunt (who decided she didn't want them), to a foster home away from their sister (because a different aunt didn't want them), to another foster home. Finally they are somewhere that no one will give up on them, but they don't know that!! How can they be sure? How can they trust? How can they let go and truly love and be loved?

Lord, be the one thing these children can rely on. All others are human (0urselves included) and will fail them in this life! You never fail us. No matter how undeserving we are, you never ever fail. You are the only thing that can truly fill any of our voids. Fill their void, Lord.

My Heart Breaks For These Boys

Everyday, I am amazed by how these two boys can have such a positive outlook on life. They are so happy and easy going. It's crazy after all they've been through. But every once in a while, a tiny tidbid of their past life comes out.

Tonight
We are sitting in the car waiting for Brian to get some pizzas at Papa Murphy's. In that ten minute time frame we discussed everything from Hannah Montana, Justin Bieber(?), Barack O'bama, and Michael Jackson. Somewhere in that mix, they tell me that their mom has 1099 DVDs at her house. I say, "Oh, where does your mom live?" Really I am just being nosy as to what they truly know about their mom. Their response is that she is living in the hospital and she is really really sick. She didn't want them to get sick so that's why they can't be with her. I suppose it is some version of the truth, and so I left it at that. I did not provide any information about their mom.

In the car on the way home
One of the boys tells us "a really funny story" (according to him). He tells us that they were sleeping one night, all in the same bed. They were awoken to the sound of their dad getting arrested. He then tells us that their dad went to jail, because he was hitting their mom. "They were having a hitting race." He was laughing as he was telling us this story. Now, surely, the laughter is a defense mechanism. I pray that they really don't think it is funny for men to hit women or vice versa.

Our response
I am so sorry you boys had to see that. I promise you that in our home you will never see us hit each other. It is not nice for people to hit. Especially people who love each other. You don't have to worry about that here.

What else could we say?

Lord I pray that we say the right things when the kiddos open up to us. Give us your words so that they might find YOU!

Is There Anyone Out There Who Cares?

The boys were supposed to go to visit their sister this weekend, and at the last minute it fell through. Now, I am sure that the aunt's reasons were valid, however I have been burnt many times by people's excuses! She had an emergency and Iam not going to judge her based on this one situation. It's not my place to judge anyway.

With all that being said, I found out more disturbing information. As I was talking to the boys about our upcoming trip to St. Louis, they became very excited. They realized that St. Lou is where Six Flags is. So I ask them, "Have you ever been to Six Flags?" They replied that they had not, however once when they were staying at their aunt's house the whole family got to go. They hired a baby-sitter to come stay with the boys. Why on earth would you go to Six Flags if you weren't going to take everyone? I am so frustrated by what seems like the lack of care for these boys! We adore them, and can't imagine not wanting to spend our time with them.

So I find myself wondering if anyone really cares for these boys? Who in their life is willing to make sacrifices for them? They have done nothing to deserve this! They did not choose their situation. They want to please and are so desperate for love and attention! I pray that we can be their somebody. We will give them all the love we have to give and then some! How can we not? God has placed them in our lives and we don't half-do things. We are all in!

Thank you Jesus for sending these children to our home. Let your love be known to these boys.

You Just Never Know

The children had their counseling session this evening and we were anticipating the possibility of a visit with their birthmom. We hadn't heard anything definete, but it was supposed to be happening since she had moved from jail to rehab. I dropped the kiddos off and ran some errands. When I got back to the agency, their counselor told me that they just found out that mom walked out of rehab. Just like that, she decided she didn't want to do it.



So now, there is a warrant out for her arrest. If they can catch her she will go straight back to jail. If she takes off, she will be on the loose until they catch up with her. Either way, the children will not be subjected to visiting with her. We are so thankful that they didn't see her tonight, just to not see her again for a while. I think that would be so much worse. To see her, and then not see her for months again.



I don't know what God has planned for these children, but I have put my total faith in Him. We didn't understand when the other kids had to return home, but now we see that He had other plans for us. I don't know if these are permanent plans or if they will move on too. All I know is that I am here to serve my Lord. I will do as I am told. Praise God!